Thanksgiving day 1: Daddy!

Hi Ne Ni

耶和華我的主啊 !

求你使我放下心中 放下心中所愛

耶和華我的主啊 ! 

求你使我打碎心中 心中偶像

直到我在敬拜中獻上自己為祭
無怨無悔 永不回頭
直到我在祭壇那裡得著命定 

無怨無悔 我在這裡

Hi-Ne-Ni , Hi-Ne-Ni
燒我 差我 我在這裡
Hi-Ne-Ni , Hi-Ne-Ni
燒我 差我 Hi-Ne-Ni

為這世界黑暗的角落 我在這裡
為那不曾被安慰的靈魂
我在這裡 Hi-Ne-Ni
我在這裡 Hi-Ne-Ni

-------------------------------------------------------STM'10------------------------------------------------------

i love the meaning of this song so much! listening to songs like this makes me wanna hurry up and grow up so i can start serving God full time. but meh, i like where i am right now in life. i like how Calvin is preparing me and filling my head up with knowledge. i love my religion classes. i'm excited for my class i'm going to take in january: "What God is doing in China". 

Thanksgiving was 28 days ago.....

i'm 28 days late.

oh wells. it's never to late to be thankful. wheeeee. 

There's a lot i'm thankful for .God's really blessed me.

1. family

2. wonderful friends

3. Calvin College+ 

if i remember to update my blog: each day will be someone different that i'm thankful for God placing in my life.

Family

Daddy!: all my friends know that i have THE most protective father in the whole fat world. when i'm out with friends....my dad would call literally like..every 15 min. Asking what i was doing, if i was having fun, and when i was coming home. And when i was a bit older....he would stop calling every 15 min and would call every hour.....which always surprised my friends that he wasn't calling. Everyday when i would come back from school....i would get a phone call the minute i got into the house. He would asked literally 10 times whether or not the doors locked. he would tell me 5 times to check it. then he would tell me to check if the garage door is closed 2 times. and tell me to make sure the door from the garage leading into the house was locked. =_____= 

-you could see how my mama, my brothers, and i would get annoyed- 

and everytime after YG..when i would go out to eat or what not.....if it goes pass 1030pm, my dad would call telling me to come home RIGHT NOW...and sometimes sounding very angry i was out...that "late"...even if norms was with me. 18 years...it's really bothersome. 

My mama always says " you'll never understand what it's like to be a mother/father until you become one yourself"...... holy poop i hated it when she would say that. Though i'm in college...i still don't quite understand, but meeting new people, talking with them....is making me realize how lucky i was to have such a protective father. My umma ( mother in korean) in college: Justin Kim told me his testimony. And when he was telling me about his relationship with his father...i really really really wanted to start crying. He has absolutely no relationship with his father. and many times he wished his father was around when he was growing up, he wished his father played more of a role in his life, he wished his father would show him how much he cared and loved him (even though he knew all these things). WAH. that was like a flashback for me. Sometimes, my dad's love can be a bit suffocating, but it's appreciated. Pjosh told me he sees my parents like his own parents. My parents sure do treat him like their son. Joking around, always inviting him over for dinner. We've celebrated Pjosh's birthday together every year since he came. and he always says he feels most welcomed at my house. and that all the parents/deacons at church will say hi to him...but they just say hi for the sake of saying hi....except when my parents say hi...he can feel the warmth from them. haha you know my dad really really cares for you when it becomes unbearable! 

My dad is a really special person. He gives everything he has generously. without thinking twice. We're not a rich family, i know my dad is always stressed about money. Throughout middle/high school, i would watch my dad come back from work...and he always looked so defeated. But my parents are supporting many missionaries and pastors in China, many students in China (my dad has a strong burden for China), they're sponsoring a kid in Africa (if i remembered correctly), and they gotta pay for 3 kids in college =______= 

This thanksgiving break, on our way home from calvin, i was telling my dad about a friend of mine....she's a missionary kid. she can speak both chinese and korean (she's korean). Her parents are missionaries in China. Her dad helps north korean's in china.. and i told my dad how she came to calvin with nothing.....well no laptop or any of those luxuries cause her family simply can't afford it. What was the first thing my dad said? "we should buy her a laptop!...every girl in college should have their own laptop". 

Black Friday, my dad got up early to wait in line...in order to buy my friend a laptop. The laptop he bought for my friend was the one he wanted to get himself..since his laptop broke a while ago. seriously....who else would do that? but it was very exciting to give the laptop to my friend :D now she has her own laptop and her own ipod :D

everytime my brothers and i want something (electronics)....my dad would always do research on which one was the best kind...and then buy it for us....lol, which would make my mama mad sometimes. 

i told my dad i wanted a new ipod (my blue ipod) cause my old nano was being weird....and within two days, we bought it at sam's club. then this summer, i wanted my own camera. i actually saw this blue camera...which apparently was super crappy....at meijers and wanted to buy it. i told my dad about it, but he did research and said it wasn't a good brand. so he did some more research and got me my pink sony camera :D 

ever since i was little. my dad would go outta his way to buy us food whenever we were hungry....and nelson being difficult would want something else...so my dad would make 2 different trips. my brothers and i would always tell my dad last minute that we needed something for school...and make him go out to buy it. everytime i needed a book for english class, my dad would buy THE best and most expensive kind. they would always have fancy covers, and large print so i can read it better....even though after reading it...i would never touch it again. One time, my dad went to 3 different barnes and nobles to find the book i needed..they were all sold out cause i told him last minute. Not once would my dad be angry. He was always so willing to do it. 

---that's only a glimpse of my what dad's like--- i think i have the right to boast about my dad. 

The day he left me at calvin. it was a Wednesday....after saying bye...i had to run up to my room. i immediately started crying. and it didn't help cause my dad wrote me an encouragement letter. i was surprised that i didn't cry a lot when i was leaving my friends.....

i'm the luckiest daughter alive to have a father like mine :D 

⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. ⁹ As it is written:

   “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
   their righteousness endures forever.”
-2 Corinthians 9:6-9

Send Me Lord

差遣我

主 告訴我 如何獻上我的生命

帶希望入人群中

主 告訴我 如何付出我的關懷 

將溫暖帶入世界

我看到靈魂中的憂傷

孤獨中人的心在角落懺抖

差遣我，差遣我，

我願付出我所有，

差遣我到需要你的人群中，

充滿我，充滿我，

用你愛來充滿我，

再一次緊握他們的手

-------STM '09

Past week i've been doing a lot of research on North Korea. i don't know why, but everything about NK sparks my interest. Instead of writing my 6 page paper and sleeping early, i procrastinated and read different articles about NK...and slept at 4am. instead of studying for my exam friday, i ended up doing more research for about 2 hours before returning back to studying. Back in high school, whenever i was bored at home, i would look up NK, i remember going to the computer lab for english class, and instead of writing my essay, i was busy reading about NK. 

Wednesday night, i read an article about missionary Robert Park, who crossed the border from China into NK. Soon after setting foot in NK, he got arrested and was tortured severely to the point where he wanted to committed suicide. I read different articles about him and watched interviews.

Where is God in North Korea? 

Thursday evening, LiNK (Liberty in North Korea) came to Calvin and shared about what they do to help north korean refugees in China. They showed us a movie they put together about people from LiNK, going to China to help north koreans escape to safety, either to the US or South Korea. obviously it takes a long time to plan these trips....and if they got caught: the north koreans living in china would be sent back to north korea....and the people from LiNK would be sent to prison. But it's a risk they're all willing to take. i heard stories by north koreans who described what life was like in north korea.

Gah! so scary. but i like organizations like that! i also talked to my friend...who's Korean, but since her dad is a missionary....she moved to China when she was in 5th grade, so she speaks fluent chinese:D Her dad is a missionary among north korean refugees hiding in China. Wah! that's so awesome! i talked to her about it and it's just so interesting hearing her experiences. We both joined LiNK at Calvin which meets every tuesday. 

After LiNK, i just couldn't get my mind off of North Korea. North Korea is in desperate need of missionaries...well, obviously no one can set foot there..but still. There are so many people in NK who needs God's love...even if they can't escape NK, knowing there's a God who loves them and who promises eternal life in Heaven, that'll be enough. 

Send Me. 

Acts 1:8 

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Surrender. Dedication.

一生愛你，一生敬拜你
一生愛你，一生榮耀你，

一生奉獻，一生不回頭

一生愛你，跟隨你

I love this song. Ever since i got to Calvin, or rather...Grand Rapids Chinese Christian Church, i started listening to more Stream of Praise music. A lot of them were very familiar. We sang this song for STM'09. 

一生奉獻，一生不回頭

一生愛你，跟隨你

一生不回頭 

I have no clue what i want to do in life. All i'm sure of is that i want to devote my life to following God. Never looking back. I know that through my years here at Calvin, God will continue to lead me onto the right path. I can't imagine doing anything else in life other than ministry. 

Teaching elementary, 5th graders to be more specific, was my dream job ever since i was little. I loved playing school. But now, thinking about being a teacher in a public school or even a christian school seems uninteresting. I don't have that passion to teach anymore. I still love kids though. 

I have so many different ideas of what i want to do. YOUTH MINISTRY. PASTOR?. MISSIONARY? WORLD ORGANIZATIONS.  gah. so many interesting choices. i don't have a specific calling yet and i hate that =_______= 

I'm excited to see where God will lead me though. If God is really leading me to the mission field, i need to start preparing myself. It's so hard to leave behind such a comfortable home in america. But it'll be worth it. 

the future is constantly on my mind. maybe i should stop worrying......

愛你是我的喜樂

even if i'm just a housewife. My life will still be devoted to God.

Life. Future. Childhood

When you're a little kid. 

The future seems so far. almost like it'll never come. 

no worries. no stress.

childhood memories consisted of crayons, legos, nap time, bath time, coloring books, recess= FUN

easy as ABC.

now, it's a different story.

I've always dreamt about growing up, what it was like, and what it would be like to finally enter the realm of the "real" world.

but now that i'm here, all grown up and doing college "stuff", i miss my childhood. when life was once simple~

i miss: 

-playing baseball in the backyard with my brothers and dad

-the time my brothers helped me pick out my very own baseball glove :D it was tiny! i loved it. 

-taking a stroll after dinner with my family

-all the family devotions, praying before sleeping

-making forts with my brothers

-playing, or rather watching my brothers play with beanie babies and thinking how cool they were

-getting into trouble with my brothers

-playing with water guns

-all the family road trips, listening to old stream of praise music

-going to church together in one car. dad driving, mom in the passenger seat, me and norms in the middle seat, and nelson, the lucky butt who got the back seat to himself

-having matching roller blades with my brothers

-running through sprinklers in the summer with my family

-when we would do a family bbq out on our deck

-trying to build the biggest snowman with my brothers

-our tradition of watching THE SIMPSONS at 5 and FRIENDS at 6. 

-flashlight tag with my brothers while we were suppose to be sleeping

-believe it or not, all the math hw that we were forced to do in the summer, and all the piano/violin lessons

-OLYMPIANS

-morning choir class at CCCC
-building cool buildings out of legos with norms

-biking with my brothers

-going everywhere with my family because we couldn't stay home alone yet

-falling asleep on the car on the way home from OLYMPIANS, and having my dad carry me to my room

-having sleepovers in the living room with my brothers

-peeking through my fingers while praying and trying not to laugh as my brothers make silly faces...then of course, getting in trouble after the prayer cause my mama always found out...without opening her eyes =_________=

.......

there's so much i could write. but i think what i missed the most is family.

i miss doing everything with my brothers. friends i had. friends from church and friends from school. but friends...they didn't play a big role in my life until later. i miss the bonding. i miss the closeness. i miss the feeling of following my brothers around, finding something to do on a rainy day or on a lazy summer day. i miss following them around especially when we would get in trouble. Everything i did, it was with my brothers....even though they wouldn't let me play most of the time

When i was in 6th grade, Norms started going out with friends more often-since he was a freshmen in HS-  and getting busier and busier, and i remember that horrible feeling i'd get every time he left. i hated it. As my brothers moved onto HS, they became even more independent. My parents let them do more stuff with friends and i was always stuck at home. I hated being stuck at home alone. I hated being in trouble and having no one to go to. I was only in middle school, i wanted things to go back to the way they were. 

things were so much simpler back then. no drama between friends, no boy troubles-because boys back then had cooties-, no stress about school. no stress about the F.U.T.U.R.E. 

but alas. i must move on with my life. though i really wish i could just stop time from moving and go back to yesteryear. there's just so much more to experience. so much more people to encounter. 

family <3

I've been blessed with the best family ever. As we all move on with our lives, our past will only be memories~ 

p r e c i o u s m e m o r i e s . 

God holds my future. so...why worry?

Jeremiah 29:11 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. 

family <3